


just you

by coalitiongirl



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-13
Updated: 2012-02-13
Packaged: 2017-10-31 02:21:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/338818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coalitiongirl/pseuds/coalitiongirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompted by <a href="http://walkwithheroes.tumblr.com/post/15527399707/im-laughing-because-it-was-actually-hard-to-write-that">this ask</a> of walkwithheroes's, in which she speculates as to how Willow/Kennedy would play out if Tara returned somehow in later S7.</p>
            </blockquote>





	just you

It hurts like overly spiced food, like a muscle cramp, like something incredibly unpleasant that sticks to you with everything you do. That image beneath your eyelids, flickering your worst nightmares. The knowledge that nothing you do will be good enough, but not enough to complain about it.   
  
And you can’t complain, because you’ve got the girl. The girl who leaves your bed to sit downstairs sipping tea with  _her_ , the girl who casts longing looks at  _her_ every time they enter a room together, the girl who’d be with  _her_  if  _she_  hadn’t told her outright to stay with you.   
  
Tara Maclay. You hate her. You want to hate her, anyway, but settle for strong dislike and dissatisfaction, because without her quiet words to Willow that first day (she’d been standing at their doorstep and Willow had kissed her, kissed her like she’d never kissed you, and when Willow had looked at you afterward there had been no guilt, just pity) (Tara had looked at you and looked at Willow and you could see her trying to distance herself- but there’s no distance between them, never distance, just air charged with need and love and desperation) (star-crossed lovers sometimes you hate them both) you wouldn’t have Willow, either, and you’re selfish enough to want to cling to that last bit of happiness that you can find there.   
  
Stupid Willow, with her adorable eyes and pensive discussion and the smile that shatters you every time. Stupid, stupid you, because even now that she’s so distant from you, you can’t let her go. Love is about being what the other person needs you to be; and maybe you were that once, but now you’re the last thing she wants and she’s the only thing you want and you know that the love is so one-sided that she isn’t obligated-   
  
-but it hurts (you’re a slayer you’ve been chased down by Bringers you’ve been attacked you’ve never felt this shattered before this alone) to have found something so precious and to watch it drift further and further away every day.    
  
And when you finally let her go, when you don’t meet her stuttering attempts at breaking up with politely feigned ignorance, when you broach the topic, let her back away (and she looks so heartbroken to break your heart and you sort of understand because you’ve been living that for the past few weeks), when you don’t smile or nod or give her a graceful out, when you endure the pity from her friends and the silent smugness of yours (no one likes it when you’re sleeping with the boss’s best friend, even when it’s not about Buffy or potential politics just WillowWillowWillow perfect beautiful sweet Willow), it’s just you   
  
alone, enduring the girls kissing in the hall, holding hands under the table, cuddling closer when they don’t think you’re watching-   
  
alone   
  
it aches.


End file.
